if ONLY...

You know what... sometimes & somehow, I just don't get it.
Why certain peeps just don't really MOVE ON & try to be a BETTER PERSON than they used to be? Why they need to be the same ol' 'em?
Don't you ever TIRED or BORED surrounding with all those stupidity?
Don't you ever wanna be the other way around of life if you have the chance to be... at least, glimpse of some GOOD THINGS?

That's all that I can summarize all the madness / craziness that I've been thru for quite sometimes

da GAP... da SPACE... is too WIDE! da SILENCE... is too LOUD!

Maybe... we should put an END to it...
And I barely look at YOU... without having this feeling...
I just wish... YOU will be more CERTAIN...
Instead givin me almost all da FALSE HOPE!
And I should stop thinking beyond what may happen...

and I just don't know wHy

Confused... kinda sums up what's been twirling around!
Caught up by da way YOU react... and some how, it's just PLAIN!
Da FEELIN is derrr...
But, is it just me?
Coz I know... YOU just luv to play around...
Without sayin anythin...
YOU just kept slammin da door...
YOU do want me to be derr for YOU...
Or is it just another FAKE hanky panky luv stories that kept on and on and on...
How I wish YOU just be REAL...
Not just for ME...
At least to REALIZE it...
And make SENSE out of it

Lately...

Lately...
I found out... this is not sumthin dat I really wanted desperately...
I was there... been there...

Strangely...
It felt... just nuthin from deep within...
Left sumthin... hangin...
and I have to admit... I'm deeply trippin...

Completely... different...
Obviously... awkward...
Sumthin dat shud never exist...
And I just hope...
It's just only another nite mare that wud never got carried away

For cryin sake...

When U thought... U did da RITE things...
But end up, U just makin' Urself being da FOOLS one!
I bet... I am feeling da same way I did to U before!

for what it's WORTH...

Oh well...
U can't really PLEASED everyone surrounds YOU...
Thou...
How CLOSE you are...
How GOOD you are...
Coz you'll never know... what's gonna happen... occur...
Even you TRY hard not to get involve in any condition/situation...

But, BARE in my mind...
Thou you know... U did TRY your best...
NOT to FEEL...
NOT to be HURT...
Or what so ever NOT...
Somehow... it could be TRIGGER to be the other way around...

...sigh!

...wonderin wHy again n again...

...again
watchin' everything dat been showed... and seen...
and I'm left wondered... again n again...
wHy...?
wHy do I need to see all these?
wHy do I need to witness almost everything that really IRRATE me?
sumthin dat ANNOYED me?
sumthin dat HURTS me without I'm holding any GRUDGE on 'em?

Or...
was it... just ME?
Or...
was it... coz of ME?
But... wHy?

I'm not da ONE... who LEFT YOU...

I'm not da ONE... who WALKED AWAY... TURN AROUND and PUT ALL da BLAMES

So...

wHy am I kept seeing... what am I NOT suppose to SEE / WATCH / READ?

wHy?

wHy me?

...da buang tebiats AGAIN! Pfbttt....

Kasi cannnn la, kawan...
Selalu amek gambar olang laen, maaa...

Hehehe...

Tadaaa...!!!

p/s:-

i found dis piece of unfinish rumblin' dat i've been typing back in few months ago...


It's been awhile...
It's been quite some time...

Da warmth of your smile...
Da glance of your face...
Dat always melts dis heart of mine...
Makes me trembles all da time...

I treasure every single moments with YOU
I adored every single moves YOU made
I salutes & respects every thing that YOU do...
Coz YOU always do it rite...

YOU always there...
And we both know... I'm always gonna be HERE...
It's been so LONG...
And dis feelin is gettin STRONG...

We NEVER say HI...
We NEVER say GUDBYE...
But, we've been CLOSE before...

And we also have been APART...

Now, YOU are HERE...

Thou, we never say anything bout US...

And I just want YOU to KNOW...
I don't wanna LOSE YOU ANYMORE...

...so much for MY HAPPY ENDING

I am a fan of Avril Lavigne... been to her concert's... back in few years back...
And for me... da lyrics in every her single songs she have... does gave some impact...
Perhaps... it does happen in our daily life... I mean... my life...

So, what happen is... while doin my work today...
with headphones n mp3's... listening to Fly Fm...
dis song, "My Happy Ending" aired...

I don't know why... but it seems da LYRICS kinda like... kept very CLEAR in my head...
And it kept making me to think... bugging me... with what had happen...

"We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it"
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending"

It is... when I thought... all the thoughts... with HOPES & DREAMS

"All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
All the stuff that you do" 

"It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done"

I still remember... with all da BLAME, CURSES & HATRED dat YOU put ON ME
But end up... I'm da ONE... watchin YOU doin it LIVE in front of me...
Yeah... it is so much for my HAPPY ENDING!
Thanks to YOU...

...PLASTIK dat very da DRAMA, MENGGELETIS lagi MENGGETIK~kan!

..have YOU ever bumped into this particular SPECIES dat very commonly EXISTED in our daily LIFE?

Perhaps... it seems NORMAL but in some kind of WAY... definitely gonna IRRATES YOU for some people like me... who's not really into being TALAM BERLAPIS MUKA... (kalah kueh LAPES yg variety kalernya)..

And if dis particular B*atch is in front of ME... with all da MuthaF*c!a behavior... definitely gonna get SMACK & SLAP from me... or perhaps, MOCK & HUMMILIATE this particular SPECIES without hesitation of using AYAT yang sangat b'TAPIS² mengalahkan PENAPES serbuk teh mahu pun kopi (pejadah ko meraban ni, weh?!!)

Nak AJAR.. bukan ADIK aku pun...

Ibarat PARASIT yg ber-MAHARAJALELA bukan MAHARAJA LAWAK (aku pun xpenah tonton since uma xde ASTRO dah... wahahaha!)... 

mengendeng / melekat pada kaen² lap yg senantiasa ada merata²...

Pilih saja yg mana menjadi pujaan sirap d kala hati MEROYAN / MARHABAN tak kena gaya...

Mengada? Manja? 

Alahai... getik / geletis 24/7, pejadahnya...

Hari ni cakap nak berubah...

Tup tap... tap tup... eh eh... ada dah KAEN LAP baru... !!!

Perghhh.. senang nyer cari galang ganti...

Padahal baru kejap tadi... mengadu domba kalah pili bomba... wtf?!!

Paling best, ada TUKANG BACK UP...

Pom pang.. pak pung mustape...

Kalah kompang org kawen...

Kepochi sana sini...

Sambil mengunyah kuaci...

Ada dah... sedia menanti...

Alasan... SAHABAT SEJATI...

Perghhhh...

Hebatttt dowhhhh PLASTIK ni...

Salute GILER!

p/s: tgh tunggu DRAMA SEBABAK or mungkin SELAMBAK kalah joget LAMBAK

Kalau dapat / jatuh kat yg DAPAT SEDAR kan diri si PLASTIK yg GETIK, GELITIS ni...

Aku nak ber-TERIMA KASIH kat individu b'kenaan...

...too much

Too much to say...
Yet, too busy & too lazy...
To change from 1 hp to another hp dat been ages used as my modem...

Too much to say...
Yet, too far away to grab my note book or use hp note...
At least to draft sumthin / anythin dat came across in my head, pronto!

Too much to say...
Yet, too late to say bout it...
Due to all da circumstances / reasons dat occurs between da time-line (for real? kecoh la ko ni!)

Help!!! Yelp!!!

"I need a doctor...
Call me a doctor...
I need a doctor... doctor... doctor"

Warkhhhh...!!!

I am IN TENSE due to... can't make any post, edit post using my own pc at home...

Darnnn it!!!

I try to read on the "HELP" blogspot...

And still... nuthing helps..

I did uninstall my Firefox... and install it again... and upgraded to Firefox 5.0...

Yet... and still... facing the same PROBLEM!!!

Warkhhh...

HELP!!!

HELPPP!!!

HHHEEELLLPPP!!!!

p/s: kat AFC je boleh post... haiyooo!!! via IE7

...probably, another SELF-PROCLAIMED?!!

it's funny when... sum1 ACCUSED d other person...

but in REALITY, dat person is actually DOIN IT...

da fact of DENYING almost every single thing dat been throw to d other person...

I must say, I'm "Wow"ed by it...

And it's superbbb amazing...

how dis person SURVIVED thou kept COMPLAINING almost every day

it's damn PLASTIC.. what's been DISPLAYED...

Oh, da exact word.. definitely a TOTAL PLAYER...

Again... in d end... when everything it's bout LUST & MONEY...

LOVE.. it's just a WORD... only WORD...

for a FREAKIN' B*tch...

even if it's only last for ONE NITE STAND

...sumthin just NOT SOooo... rite?!! Pfbttt...

When YOU wish upon a STAR...
With all these HOPES & DREAMS come TRUE...
And we both know... we are not that FAR...
Coz my luv will always with YOU...

Wew... wew... wew...
MayDay... MayDay... MayDay...

FIRE on hold....

Teeettt... teeettt... teettt...

Pfbtttt... ;p

D'uhhh... kamonnn lah!

First... U REMOVED me...

U even BLOCKED me...

N, after... a year n a half...
( i think almost 2 years da kot)... U still TALKED bout me?

Plus... STALKING bout me...

Oh kamonnn lah... such a PRICK!!!

Oh wait up... u got D*CK?!!

Mannn... so fudginggg CONFUSED!!!

p/s: I don't do such thing la...

plus, I'm not da typical behavior like those PEOPLE will act to...

kamonnn.. GROW UP!

Get a LIFE!

Move on...

kelakar lah... da tabur memacam psl aku... (yg ni mmg tabley blah! aku tukang KARUT? Demmm! Am I look like capable to do that?!!) still lg nak tahu perkembangan...

Man! I barely forgot bout YOU, B*tch!

Suddenly, when others starts talked bout it...

I mean.. mannnn!

Oh god...

Kot yer pun jakiiii benoo kat aku...

N aku yg terkena "akibatnya"... kerana "TINDAKAN" aku sendiri... (which aku mmg MENGAKU... I'm not running from it, you still can FIND me, REACH me... but YOU choose NOT TO, am I RITE?!!)

Aku bukan jenis balas balik tak kena tempat la...

Adoiii...

Perhaps... I need to MIGRATE... kui kui kui

Tinggi nawwww... angan² mu itu, Cik Mie...

Huuu...

Insya Allah... yg penting skrg... dpt kan keja tetap semula...

settle kan yg mana PATUT & WAJIB...

then, u can plan well... AMIN

...randomly inspired

...inspired by hearing this song, and these thoughts just automatically poured in my head...

"...no MATTER what SIZE YOU are...
 ...what does MATTER is how YOU get use to it...
 ...and NOT even TRY to fit in..."

geddit?

da hardest way...

This road... got no way of turning back...
This road... is what I choose to live...
This road... is becoming part of my life that I need to go through...
Even... it is... da hardest thing that I ever wanted

I would love to RUN...
As much as... I love to RUN for a jog, for a walk...
Just to release... to heal... all the heartaches, all the wound that never wanted to go away...
But I guess... it is ... da hardest thing that I ever let go...

It ain't easy... da way I want it...
It ain't easy... to live... to survive...
Even for at least... to breathe easy...

...I choose NOT TO...

It's here...
It's there...
And it's all over da place...

What should I do?
Why should I bother?
Why do I need to think about it & be part of it?

Oh... wait up..
Almost forgot...
It's already SEALED UP nicely!
It's already SAID & DONE...

And for that... I CHOOSE NOT TO...

Seriously, let's get ANNOYED

At some point... when everybody starts to do this & that...
Observing you almost at every single things you do...
Trying to poke / interfere in everything you write / post / updates...
Perhaps.. the thoughts of being FRIENDLY? AWARES? CONCERN?!!
Oh come on lah....
Sometimes.. it's just SOOO DAMN FREAKIN ANNOYIN...

Get a LIFE!!!
Coz I need MINE TOO... my OWN SWEET TIME!!!
Pfbtttt...!!!

al ~ kesah nyer...

Semua orang ada jatuh bangun nya sendiri...
Siap tersungkur... tergolek... terjelepok... konar bareng baek lagi...
eh boleh plak masuk terselit acara sukan... heh!

Kalau boleh... setiap tugasan... urusan... yang diperoleh... nawaitu sememangnya mahukan yang sempurna... tanpa sebarang cacat cela...
Tapi, kadang² ralatnya... kala cuba mengekalkan reputasi... memperbaiki diri...
Lain pula kisahnya...

Antara... terasa diri ini bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga...
Ibarat... diri ditolak dari tingkat paling atas sekali...
Bohong... aku tak kecewa dgn hasilnya...

Tak daya menunding... ditunding... lagi tertonggeng! (eh tonggeng?!!)
Tak terniat langsung... menghampakan apatah lagi mengecewakan...
Dan kalau boleh dipertingkatkan... digandakan...itu sememangnya agenda utama